Tuesday

1-0 and the ZIP CODE rating




Trouble and I have this good guy friend from High School who made it a point to rate girls every chance he got. 9-9-1 face, body, fuck yeah or 1-1-0 fuck no. He made it a point to teach us the inner workings of the male mind. Truth be told, there isn't much to it as we all know.

I'm at breakfast with Kev's childhood friend. I'm still hung over. I'm waiting for the bacon and coffee to kick in after another long night of drinking, having attended a wedding as the only repeat ONLY single girl. I'm third wheeling it with good college friend and her BF, pretending to not hate the frat boys who I can tell have made a bet on who will take me home and effe me tonight. It takes me 3 vodka shots when I return from the wedding to forget the stupidity that surrounds my suitors. At breakfast, I'm barely listening. Something about being knocked up with twins, beautiful people and most memorably "he didn't deserve my vagina". It gets me thinking. Who really does deserve my vagina other than me?

I'm walking across Vanness with Trouble later that day and we review our numbers and decide that they'd most likely be cut in half if we were to eliminate the people we were too grossed out to blow. We realize that this may make us prudes, but as Trouble points out, "babies are cuter than herpes".

We decide at this point to not take on any more suiters whose penis we wouldn't want anywhere near our faces. Truth is if you think it's gross, there's no future so in the end, a true waste of a number. We feel enlightened at this point and define our rating system.

We label our system the "zip code".

First number: Face
Second number: Body
Third number: To blow or not to blow. 1 yes, 0 no
Forth Number and Fifth Numbers: Completely irrelevant. We just now that every guys knows the 3 point rating system. This will only help make it more confusing when we zip code them mid conversation on our tripod dates. --UPDATE-- After GG pimps out Trouble and their friends for a dinner date with married guy and his colleges, GG and T decide the last two numbers are based on how much it you would have to pay us to sleep with them. 01=$1,000 and so on..... 99=$99,000 shit's expensive!




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My Future Ex Husband

My Future Ex Husband: Tucker Max --- About us: San Francisco, bay area raised Catholic school girls dishing about the single life and how it all goes down. Occasional appearances by Ghost Writers, the girls crazy enough to be friends with us, with accounts crazier than ours.

The Truth:
We’re really good at getting what we want, partly because of our God given gift of persuasiveness and also years of practice perfecting our craft. We are also very competitive (especially with each other) and we don’t play fair. This is what happens when you’ve been friends for 16 years and lived next door to eachother. For the better part of our adolescence we were attached at the hip. We also come from very similar backgrounds; we are both the mutts of Asian and Caucasian parents. Therefore, we’re pretty much sisters, and fucking gorgeous. And the best thing about being family is that no matter how much you fuck up, the other one still has to love you (although I think this swings a little more in Greedy Greedy’s favor than mine).