Rule 10: If you like a guy, don't delete his number more than once. No matter how bad your memory is, you will end up memorizing it and no amount of Makers Mark will help you forget it.
Rule 9: If you start making out with your dating coach, stop paying him. It is gonna get weird fast when you get drunk one night and find him ass naked in bed with you. Don't forget, Men can be hookers too.
Rule 8: We all know that "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels", but not having an ass or boobs makes you a boy. Real men like Women. Part 2: Trust your girlfriends when they tell you, you aren't fat. They like you because you're pretty. Part 3: If your friends stop inviting you out, it's because you are getting fat.
Rule 7: Fact: 1 in 5 relationships begin online. Fact: 1 in 2 relationships ends because of Facebook. Don't be an idiot. Guys Facebook stalk too.
Rule 6: If a guy doesn't want to talk about his past, it's because he has one. And it ain't good. Run! (If he tells you not to pry into his past through his friends, don't be an idiot and be respectful. He definitely has a girlfriend. Get his buddy wasted and ask. He'll never remember or ever admit to his buddy he accidentally told you.)
Rule 5: If he takes you home to his place at it looks staged, trust your instincts. He definitely lives with his parents.
Rule 4: If you ignore them completely, they will start stalking you. Sometimes its okay to tell them you moved out of state.
Rule 3: If you borrow your friends' ID when you are 28 because you can't find your wallet (two weekends in a row), you should probably take a break from drinking.
Rule 2: If you act like a crazy person and a guy still likes you, it is because you are smoking hot.
Rule 1: Girls who know what they want get what they want. (BUT only if they are pretty. Get a tan, Go workout, Get a push up bra, and Get waxed. )
Words of Wisdom: If someone takes the time to show you who they are, BELIEVE it.
RULES FOR MEN
Rule 10: If a girl hates her father, you better believe she will end up hating you. MOVE ON!
Rule 9: If she eats like a horse on a date with you, you will NOT be getting laid. Girls that feel fat, do NOT put out.
Rule 8: Girls love gay men. If you act like one, they will only want to be friends with you.
Rule 7: The Morning After Pill costs $48.95. When a girl asks you to pick it up for her, DO IT. Stupid people should not be having babies.
Rule 6: If you tell a girl you want to name your new puppy after her and discuss it in front of her with your roommate, she WILL be surprised when you try to make out with her and WILL think your roommate is your BOYFRIEND.
Rule 5: Circumsize you future son(s). It is just fucked up your dad didn't help you out.
Rule 4: Blaming numerous late night sextings on your "friends stealing your phone" will only make you seem more crazy than you already are.
Rule 3: Shave down there. It's not gay. Man up and do it. We don't like your bush as much as you hate ours.
Rule 2: If a girl ignores your calls or texts , do not call or text her from a new number. She still doesn't want to date you. Com'mon. You're smart. You went to MIT. (Obviously ignoring your 5 texts from your other number didn't seem obvious. I'm trying to be nice here and avoid you. Just catch on already and make this easy. Stealing my phone number from my business card with the indication you wanted to talk business does not count as me giving you my number.
Rule 1: If a girl files a restraining order on you, do not assume that it is okay to contact her EVER. Just because the restraining order is no longer valid, doesn't mean your "time out" is up.
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