The OkCupid.com Tripod Challenge

Meet EthanSL: He never responded to our message, but he was the inspiration. Let us know when you want us to remove your photo or when you're finally ready to come to your senses and go out with the girls that messaged you.  A cease and desist letter isn't necessary.

50 Responses in 24 hours. Greedy Greedy and Trouble feel special.

Stay tuned... Research in progress...

My self-summary

Let's get to the point: You're signing up for 2. Welcome to the tripod date.

UPDATE: WE'VE UPPED THE ANTI, SO UP YOURS! First ever, speed dating team. Yes, really. Game on? 3 v 1 if you're up for it or 3 v 3 could be interesting.....

Commonly asked questions:

You removed your photos? Why?
-There was an incident. UPDATE: OK. ADDED IT BACK. CRISIS AVERTED? (hopefully)
Are you attached at the hip?
-No
Are you always together?
-Don't worry about it.
Why are we tripod dating?
-To save time and energy. It has become apparent that one of us has bad judgement. You're gonna have to meet the "best friend" anyways so you might as well get it over with now and if you're boring at least my friend can entertain me.
What if you both like me? Are you going to fight over me?
-Most likely. But we'll be sure to settle it with a treading water contest.

What I’m doing with my life

Does THIS count?

Greedy-Software
Trouble-Medicine

I’m really good at

Trouble: "lifting heavy boxes"

Greedy: "not making it weird"

The first things people usually notice about me

I’m an empty essay... fill me out!

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

Greedy
Books: The Glass Castle, The Notebook, This Boy's Life, Anatomy of Buzz, Anything by Malcolm Gladwell
Tv: Modern Family, House, Dirty Jobs, Out of the Wild, Mad Men (Arrested Development and Better Off Ted, before they were kicked off the air. Were they really that terrible?)
Online: Business Week, TED, tracked, Market Watch
iPhone Apps: whatspp, viber, MLB,
Movies: The Town, Iron Man, Demolition Man, Cliff Hanger, The Notebook, Wedding Crashers, Hangover, Memento, The Social Network
Music: Neil Young, Johnny Cash, Shiny Toy Guns, Mumford and Sons, All Regge, Miike Snow, Pop, House
Food: All the above.

Trouble
Books: Anything by - Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut, Oliver Sacks
TV Shows: Man V. Food, Summer Heights High, Tosh.0, Gossip Girl, Pawn Stars, Chelsea Lately, Modern Family
Movies: Black Swan, Anchorman, Step Bothers, Fight Club, The Hangover, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles
Music: Classic Rock, Country, Hip Hop...Anything but Gospel
Food: Yes, Please

The six things I could never do without

1. Obviously each other. We've been friends since we were 11.
2. Family
3. Car or at least a driver.
4. Sugar
5. Eyesight
6. Makers Mark

I spend a lot of time thinking about

New business opportunities and vacations.

Masterminds club is Tuesday night. Invitation only.

Notes:

Tripod Date 1: Trouble get's wasted on Maker's Mark and Greedy Greedy and Trouble arm wrestle mid date. Gentlemen in bar keep bumping into Trouble and Greedy Greedy trying to get attention and confused by 2 v 1 interaction.

Tripod Date 2: Trouble again with her makers mark seems to have ok time on double date while Greedy Greedy wants to shove a fork in her eye and can't bare the company.

Tripod Date 3: Sushi Pizza and excessive use of the word "Dominate". 2nd tripod date follows. We are left confused. Relationship ends with text from Dominator "Maybe we should meet up in a couple years since at this point in our lives, I love to sleep and you like to drink. " Greedy Greedy and Trouble comment on how they clearly explained their alcoholism to Dominator early on.

Final Outcome: Team realizes Trouble has really bad judgement and isn't allowed to date anymore.

--Update-- TEAM ups the anti and adds "Blondie" to the mix to start our speed dating team. Greedy Greedy orders Beer Wench costume for upcoming speed dating team date.

Speed Dating Team, Date #1

Team meets at Harry's on Polk to catch Giants Game. 4 boys next to us indulge us in 3 rounds tequila shots to accompany our 2 rounds of Vodka. Greedy Greedy gets wasted (due to 1 drink wonder status) prior to meeting "perfect gentleman" (Ok Cupid applicant) and his team of Yale Hockey Players. 10pm we are to meet Yale Hockey players at their place for a "pre party". (10pm for a pre party? late, yes! This isn't Vegas).
10:15pm We leave Harry's.
10:30pm We are late to meet Yale Boys.
10:30pm Yale dude looks better in his pictures. We apparently look better than our pictures. "Under promise over deliver", check! on our end. Not on his.

10:35pm Greedy Greedy and Speed dater #3 (mind you we didn't tell her she was part of the team until 2 min before we get to the pre-party. She's not pleased. We may have lost a friend) take vodka shots directly from the bottle.

10:40pm Trouble tells Yale dude his outfit looks douchey. Yale changes shirt. (It doesn't help).

10:45pm Headed out to the bars on Polk. Yale dude says to Greedy Greedy "I'm the best you're gonna do tonight." Greedy Greedy respond with some smart ass reply, but nothing is for sure. (Greedy Greedy time travels to 2am when the two end up at Grub Steak and Greedy Greedy proceeds to tell neighboring table than she likes bacon more than she like boys. Tequila no longer a good idea.) Trouble grabs next down car she sees and responds "Game Over".

11pm to 2am: Greedy Greedy sends inappropriate texts out to everyone and their mom. Meant to text other boy, but accidentally texts Yale "Game on?"

9am Greedy Greedy wakes up at Plaid Shirt Guys House. Plaid shirt guy is 100% naked. Greedy Greedy is fully dressed. Greedy Greedy says, "Hello my name is Greedy Greedy, what's yours?" Plaid shirt guys is not impressed. Greedy Greedy checks Giants game time in anticipate for Sunday 1:10pm date.

iPhone relay:

2:55am Yale: "Where are you now??"

11:14am Yale: "Lol...rematch today ;)"

4:40pm: Yale: "Wow you suck at texting"

4:41pm: Greedy: "You suck at life". (Still sits in outgoing texts).

Update: Trouble runs into Yale Hockey at Harrys Bar on Fillmore. Trouble is wearing men's clothing, points at Yale Hockey and says, "Yooooou...". Yale Hockey gives a dirty look and responds, "What!" and stares at Trouble trying to figure out 1. where he knows her and 2. why is she wearing the kid next to her's pants and t-shirt while he is wearing her beer girl costume. See "B2B 2011" for more detail. 

Don't Make it Weird

8:35am Friday Morning: Driving Across the Golden Gate Bridge with the top down in a black fully "upgraded" BMW Z3 that of course isn't mine with girlfriend SD. The wind is blowing through our already tangled hair and is a replacement for a hot shower this morning. We've slept a maximum of 3 and half hours and I can still smell the Don Julio. "Downshift to 4th I tell her, as she hold my steering wheel, drops into 4th as I pull my hair back. I'm not yet late for work, but I need an outfit change before I head into the office.

8:47am I drop SD off at my house and tell her to toss down the black BCBG knit dress sitting on my bed. She runs up as I double park outside my house and she tosses down the dress. I pull off my current top and expose my sports bra. I toss the knit dress immediately over. I'm standing in the car on Union Street, and a girl in Lululemon yoga pants walking her pocket pooch, gives me the stare. I know what she's thinking. But in all fairness this is better than the walk of shame because a. I'm not walking and b. "He" told me I didn't need to bring back the convertible until I had time, which to me means after I'm done parading around the city with SD this weekend.

8:59 am I pull into my boss, Mr. X's parking space in our office parking garage between the Black 911 Turbo and Mrs. X's Black Carrera 4s.

9:01 am to 2:24 pm shit happens.

2:25pm Mrs. X leaves the off

ice and 2 minutes later she me that she likes my new ride with a ;).

3:30pm I text SD and tell her I'm picking her up to run errands for work. She agrees to come help.

3:40pm I run up to the apartment to grab a snack and Trouble's Ex walks by. He asks for a ride up the street to Trouble's house. I tell him sure, but SD will have to sit on his lap. I run up, grab a snack, SD, and a small overnight bag this time. Grab some clothes and a swim suit for tomorrow I tell her, just in case.

3:46pm Trouble's Ex questions the ride. He knows it's not mine. I tell him I'm babysitting. He doesn't ask any more questions.

3:49 pm We head to Mr. X's boat to take photos.

.....BACK TRACK......

9:45pm THE NIGHT BEFORE.... Trouble is at my house. Her ex comes over to hang out with my roommate and intentionally ignores her. She asks for a ride home on our way out. SD and I put on her swimsuits and toss on cotton dresses and agree that Trouble's coming with.

9:55pm We drive pass the gas station where we told Trouble we had to stop before dropping her off. 2 Minutes later we're on the bridge. "We're going out", I tell her.

10:10pm We get to Stack's 10 million dollar mansion. (With his Father who he apparently hates. The normal dysfunctional Marin Family). It's sitting at the top of the hill out of sight from any neighbors. We walk into the kitchen off the pool and Stack, a photographer for a young women's clothing line, is already pouring the Don Julio shots. He tells me we are out of ice and that I'll need to drink mine and like a big girl this time. I head over to the freezer and pull out 2 cubes and toss them in my glass. He fills it to the brim. Trouble asks for the restroom and I tell her to use the one passed the stripper pole in the living room.

---BACK TRACK AGAIN---Meeting Stack: I've got a work event and I need to transform the event space into t a Studio 54 Theme. My friend, wh0 Trouble refers to as "Diddly Doo", tells me to call his buddy who can print me 5ft nudes to image boards. I show up and there's a beautiful fit 5'2 brunette standing in the kitchen. Stack gets the images and the brunette looks them over. "They turned out really well," she says to him. "That's because you have a nice ass", he tells her as he slaps it. Stack heads back upstairs to get another image he thinks I can use. "Are you sure you don't mind?" I ask her. Where are you putting them up", she asks? I tell her and she agrees. I take a couple shots of Don Julio with the two and they invite me into the hot tub. I politely decline and head out. I check out the brunette's back side before as I follow her out. She is very well endowed. As I set up the site later that weekend, the most risque of the 4 nudes is placed in the men's bathroom. I get praised for my work.

1:15am Trouble's finally less upset we kidnapped her, but she's ready to call it a night. I tell her to take my keys. SD has turned the pool cover into a slip and slide and urges me to compete. The water is freezing but I'm terrible with peer pressure and I love a good competition. I dominate.

2:20am or somewhat later. I'm drunk at this point. On a level of 1 to 10, I'm an 8.5. I'm not quite spinning when I lie down, but close. Mind you 10 out of 10 means I've made my way to the bathroom to puke. I head upstairs with Diddy Doo. We walk into Stack's room. His two pups, are sitting on his king bed staring at him. He's wearing a baggy bright red pair of women's panties, in size XXL. SD now has her hair in pigtails, knee high stockings and a corset. "Don't make it weird", he tells me for the 10th time this evening. I turn towards Diddy Doo as Stack pulls out his camera. Game on.

?? -4:30am X rated. X rated X rated. Did I mention the stripper pole in the living room and the box of women's heels all size 9 next to the fire place?

8:15am I go to Stack's room and climb between Stack and SD. "I need to get to work", I say. He offers me the White 1978 Porsche or the BMW. He tells me the clutch is funny on the Porsche and I stand on the balcony to take a peek at it. The top is down and its covered in dew. "I'll take the Bimmer", I tell him.

8:25am SD and I make toast with extra butter and head out.

--Return to top---

The Apocalypse

Trouble’s ridiculous story #1:

            Last Friday I had a night like none other before. After 20+ trips to Vegas with my girlfriends I’ve had many a drunken nights, but this one definitely topped the charts. Here’s what happen…

4:30pm: I’m waiting for my friend Amy to fly in from Seattle. She’s an old roommate who’s coming to stay the weekend with me. Where better to wait than at a bar? It’s Friday, happy hour time, and my friend Jane wants to meet for a drink. Let me preface the rest of the events by mentioning that Jane has a tendency to get a little out of control with her drinking. But it’s early and the bar is dead so how much trouble could we really get into?

4:35pm: Two Kettle sodas, one for me and the other for Jane.

4:42pm: Jane orders a second Kettle soda for herself.

4:45pm: We watch a couple at the bar shoot back shots of Jameson. Being big whiskey fans ourselves, Jane immediately looks at me, then calls the bartender over to pour us a couple shots as well.

4:52pm: Text from Amy comes through, “I just landed! Headed over to your place now :) “

My reply, “Yay! At a bar. Come meet me here and we’ll cab back to my place together”

4:53pm: Bartender, “Another?”

Jane, “YES!” Jane also orders herself a third Kettle soda for herself.

4:55pm: Text from Amy, “Can you come home and meet me first?”

Reply, “Boo! It’s happy hour. Let’s have some drinks. Get over here!”

Amy, “No fair you started without me! Well maybe I’ll go meet up with my friend Lynn then and catch up with you later…”

4:57pm: Me, “Well Amy’s not coming so we might as well keep drinking. Let’s go somewhere else and get some good whiskey”

Jane, “Ok but first one more drink here.”

Me, “Not for me.”

Jane takes her third shot of Jameson, and then leaves to the restroom.

5:02pm: Jane returns and orders both of us another shot. I don’t put up a fight this time. We’re leaving anyway.

(Just to recap here’s the current count: Jane = 3 Kettle Sodas, 4 Jameson shots. Me = one Kettle soda, 3 Jameson shots. FYI: I get buzzed after a half glass of wine…)

5:15pm: We arrive at the new bar. It’s dead. There’s only me, Jane, and Gentlemen Jack…

This is where things start to get fuzzy and I have to rely on time stamped text messages to figure out what happens from here on…

We must have had 2-3 shots of whiskey and next thing I know we’re sitting at a Thai place with Amy and her friend Lynn. The only thing I remember about dinner is that I went to the bathroom and blew chunks. Luckily, Amy was sober enough to fill me in the following day. So according to her…

~6:30pm: I’m pretty sure we walked to the restaurant but I have absolutely no recognition of getting there. I’ve only been there about a thousand times with Amy, but on this particular occasion I can’t find it and have to call for directions.

~7:15pm: The four of us ate dinner, drank wine, and I cracked a bunch of jokes while Jane stroked the side of Lynn’s face endearingly.

8:40pm: I don’t remember leaving dinner or parting from Amy but I’m assuming Jane and I are walking back to my apartment when I somehow managed to check in with Jane’s live-in boyfriend…

Me, “Jane is gonnana spend the night here  xoxo”

BF, “she ok?”

Me, “Yup!”

BF, “ok r u guys out still?”

Me, “Yup”

~9:00pm: Jane and I are headed up the stairs to my apartment when she grabs my foot out from under me and I fall head over heels down an entire flight of stairs. Nothing jogs your memory more than getting punched in the face by a flight of stairs. I hit my face so hard I start crying in pain. Jane is laughing hysterically and I tell her it’s not funny. At this point I remember thinking, this is gonna be my first trip in an ambulance and definitely my first fracture(s).

I have no idea how long we lay on the stairs but at some point we walk into my apt. For all I know, a neighbor came out and carried us to my front door.

9:32pm: I text Jane’s bf again, “I just got in my bed. No fuckin clue”

~9:45pm: My roommate comes into my room and says my friend is passed out in the bathroom and that I should check on her. I get up to check on her and there she is sitting on the floor, soaking wet. The entire bathroom is flooded with poopy toilet water. And Jane is passed out against the wall sitting down in sewage.

I tell Jane to get up and then go back into my room to lie down. My lip is busted open, my nose is bleeding and my whole face is throbbing. I think I may have also dislocated my shoulder in the fall.

~10:00pm: Jane runs in my room stark naked, jumps on top of me as I’m lying in bed and tries to feel me up. I push her off to the side and tell her this isn’t a Black Swan lesbian make-out scene. My roommate starts yelling at me that the bathroom is flooded and she needs to pee. I yell back and tell her to pee in the shower.

When I get up to survey the damage, I see a trail of soaking wet clothes going from the bathroom to my bedroom door. “Fuck! You gotta be kidding me!” I exclaim.

~10:15pm: My roommate is going off about how unsanitary this is and I tell her I’m doing the best I can to clean in up. After two bath towels, a rug, and two rolls of paper towels I put everything in a trash bag and start Lysol-ing everything in sight.

~10:45pm: I come back into my room, see Jane passed out naked on my bed and decide I better sleep on my chaise.

5:00am (the following day): I hear Jane get up. It’s still pitch black but I can vaguely see her standing there naked, shivering, and trying to cover up her lady parts.

Jane, “I’m naked! Where are my clothes? I have to go to work!”

Me, “You don’t remember streaking after you flooded the bathroom? Go back to sleep, I already set an alarm for you.”

Jane, “No, I need to go home. And I’m pretty sure I peed your bed.” She puts her hand against the mattress, “Yep, I definitely peed.”

I give Jane dry clothes to wear home, we search for her shoes, and I hand her a trash bag containing her toilet water soaked outfit from the night before.

5:15am: As she’s leaving I say to her, “We’re too old for this shit. Seriously…what’s wrong with us?”

Jane, “I know. We’re OLD!”

Jane leaves and I start surveying the damage to make sure I cleaned everything sufficiently as to not piss off my roommates even more.

5:20am: I go into the bathroom, turn on the light and I don’t even need my glasses to see that there is a HUGE shit stain on the back edge of the toilet (off the seat!) and brown streaks on the wall. “Oh this just keeps getting better! FML.” By this point, the shit has already hardened so I have to scrub it off with Lysol wipes, my nails, and elbow grease. What the fuck was she doing in here?!?! I’m a damn good friend, and a germ-a-phob so I wash my hands until they are raw.

5:45am: I look in the mirror and see blood all over my swollen top lip. My nose is full of dried blood and my eyes are black. I notice various bruises all over my arms and legs. Let’s hope I didn’t actually dislocate my shoulder too.

5:50am: I text Amy, “I’m so sorry! I have NO IDEA what happened. Call me when you wake up. I promise I’ll make this up to you.”

6:00am: I take my mattress pad and sheets down to the trash, there is no salvaging them after seeing the dark yellow streaks. Even my pillows and down comforter are damp, WTF??? I wrap everything up in garbage bags and light a candle. I can’t smell anything but I’m sure it wreaks. Then I put an ice pack on my busted face and lay back down on my urine-free chaise.

7:00am: I still can’t fall back asleep. I feel awful about Amy, especially since she asked me over a month ago if she could stay at my place. And having never blacked out before, I’m completely frightened about not being able to remember large parts of the night. Were we roofied? What the hell happened?

10:00am: I still haven’t heard from Amy so I decide to go to Bed, Bath & Beyond to get new bedding and a new rug for the bathroom. On my way down the stairs I see two dark brown stripes down the wall that are roughly shoulder height. My first thought is, “Well that’s rude! It must be the downstairs neighbor’s bike.” Then I have a flashback of my fall down the stairs and wonder if it could have been me. Upon later inspection, I notice yellow paint on the heels of my brown leather boots. I also notice dried puke stains down the front of my right boot. Classy.

The following Monday 7:30pm: I had asked Jane to meet me for dinner to discuss the events from Friday. She doesn’t remember anything. And she definitely doesn’t remember wiping shit on the wall of my bathroom and pulling me down the stairs. I told her about my injuries and the soiled bedding. She hands me a check for the damages and insists I take it. I’m broke, so I agree.

During dinner I tell her that I no longer feel comfortable drinking with her unsupervised and that under no circumstances will I ever have more than 3 drinks while I’m with her. I also suggest that it would probably be a good idea to have a code word that we can use if we feel things are getting out of control, and if someone says the code word we immediately go home – no questions asked. I ask her what an appropriate word would be, she says, “How about ‘apocalypse’?”

Breakups Sting

In an effort to remain friends after breaking up with my most recent Ex, we decided to get together and go for a hike. There's this beautiful trail in Marin that is super remote and exclusive and I had been promising to take him there for over a year. So naturally, after we break up he decides to hold me to this.

The day started out just fine. I was pleasantly surprised that he didn't immediately start feeling sorry for himself as he had done in every other post-breakup conversation. The weather was perfect and despite being fairly hung-over from trouble hunting the night before, I felt pretty content. Then about 45 minutes into the trail, I suddenly feel something sharp poke me in the back. I say to my Ex that it feels like a splinter flew into my back and I start pulling at my workout top. He looks at my back and says there’s nothing there so we keep walking. Then it happens again and this time it was even more intense. The pain is so sharp I immediately rip off my top (with built in bra) and my Ex exclaims frantically that he just saw a huge bee fly out from inside my shirt. How it got in there in the first place is a mystery but now I have a bigger problem on my hands. I’m standing there completely naked from waist up (so much for keeping things non-sexual) and two cute male hikers walk past us and smile intriguingly. I put my hands over my bare chest but after being stung twice on my spine there is no way I can put my spandex top back on. Luckily, my Ex reminds me that I have a T-shirt in my backpack and goes to take it out. He obviously wasn’t in too much of a hurry though since it was still an opportunity for him to check out the twins. But while he’s fishing for my top, a group of 20 boy scouts come walking down this “super remote trail only a few people know about.” I’m trying to cover myself as much as I can but the scouts are clearly in shock and awe. My Ex is trying to hold back his laughter and exclaims: “I know what they’ll be thinking about tonight.” I’m mortified. I turn my back to my Ex, put on my T-shirt and try to compose myself. Unfortunately, I am now braless (since my last top had the bra built-in) and conveniently I had chosen to bring my breast cancer T-shirt that says “I © Boobies” right across the middle of my tits. And since my back is on fire (bee stings hurt like a bitch), I have to hold my shirt out away from my skin because any pressure on my skin at all just intensifies the stinging sensation. Then to add to the fire, it’s a little chilly out so not only am I braless and pulling my shirt tighter again my chest, but my nipples are hard enough to cut through glass. And we still have to hike the 45 minutes back to the car. The stinger must have hit a nerve or something because I don’t ever remember a bee sting being this painful. Oh, and did I mention I’m also allergic to bees??? Yeah, on top of the pain - my chest is getting tight, I’m short of breath, and breaking out in cold sweats. At this point my eyes are tearing and I’m too uncomfortable to be humiliated anymore. That is until a group of 40+ Chinese tourists start approaching us with cameras and binoculars. I might as well be topless because wearing a tight thin T-shirt with no bra and hard nipples doesn’t leave much to the imagination. So much for this exclusive trail…

Once we finally get back to the car, we still have to drive 20 back into the nearest town. When we arrive in town we go into the one general store that exists to look for ice. They don’t sell ice. So a bag of frozen peas will have to suffice. On our way out of this town that probably has a population of 80 people, guess who we run into? Greedy Greedy’s parents. How random! I begin explaining to them what happened and ironically GG’s mom has just bought this healing balm for a local medicine woman. We’re in the middle of the street but she tells me to pull up my shirt so she can put in on my back. What the hell. Everyone else has already seen me topless today. Why not my best friend’s parents and a small town as well. The only thing that makes this day worse is that peas smell really bad when they thaw out L