True Love

E-mail From DiDdly Doo's Girlfriend:

Time Stamp: Monday; 3:14pm (aka obviously not drunk)

Just wanted you to know that I know about u and Diddly Doo. And that I think it's sad that after every time he uses you for sex then tells you to basicly fuck off, you come hop right back on to his dick when ever he snappes his fingers again. Doesn't paint a preety picture of how much you value yourself as a woman.

(If you decide to send out an "I'm a crazy-person" e-mail, at least be sure to use spell check!)

Greedy Greedy to Diddly Doo:
         Looks like things are going well with you and your girlfriend.
Response:
         Girls will be girls.
Greedy Greedy:
        Who am I to stand in the way of true love? Don't let this one get away.


Let's face it. Some girls are just crazy. And some (if not most) guys are plain stupid.

Diddly gives old iPhone to girlfriend.

Diddly spends 2 hours clearing out all the phone numbers and pictures one by one. (Fails to know that Steve Jobs was smart enough to add a "Reset all" button under settings and fails to delete text messages, which have pictures still imbedded!!! Steve thinks of everything! Genius! ).

Girlfriend scrolls through all his old texts. Finds out Diddly has been sleeping with everyone and their mom during their year of casual dating. "Officially dating", he cheats on her with hot girl from high school he never had a chance with.

Girlfriend finds out via reading a years worth of texts. Posts on Facebook (for all to see including co- workers and parents):

"Let's go out girl! I'm single!!"
You're single? What happened?
"My boyfriend tripped and his dick accidentally fell in to some girls vagina the day before my birthday."


3 months later, I receive the above e-mail to my private work e-mail address.

Signs your girlfriend is crazy: She sends your co-workers e-mails like the one above and continues to date the guy that obviously isn't THAT in to her. Deal breaker--Duh? I can you that for free.
Signs you are crazy: You are STILL dating her after you CHEATED ON HER and she announced to the PUBLIC that you are a MAN WHORE.


Note to self: Everything on the web is public. Even pictures of you making out with your brother.

The Game

The Game: 30 Days of following TROUBLE'S RULES.

It has become obviously clear that I, Greedy Greedy, suck at dating. Be an amazing girlfriend, yes. Casually dating, No! Upon each initial meet up, it is clear that a few line items are in order. Perhaps a questionnaire or application is required. After numerous failed dating attempts, three top questions come to mind for the initial interview:

# 1. Are you currently married?
# 2. Are you a drug addict?
# 3. Do you have a job?
UPDATE: # 4. Are you Gay?  Are you sure? (Not that there's anything wrong with it!)

In attempts to mastering the dating world, it is now in Trouble's hands to manage all dating interactions. "Do as I say and not as I do" is her moto and thus begins Trouble's 30 Day  "RULES CHALLENGE".

All texting, sexting and date requests and responses will go directly to her for an appropriately timed response.



NEW & CURRENT players:

1. Anchor Man: Update: New name is F You. (A sign that he's ready to be DELETED for good).
2. New Kid  Status Update: He lives at home because he's actually 21.
3. German Status Update: He HATES me. (As he should)
4. No Street: MIA
5. Plaid Shirt Guy: I'm keeping him around for good.
6. Bad New's Bear: Still trouble, but at least I go home with prizes.  Good prizes, not herpes.

The LAW:

A. If a guy says he's going to do something and he doesn't do it, HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. No exceptions!!! Move on.
B. No sex for 2 months. If he really likes you, he will wait. If he can't wait, HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU!



RECAP:

A. Items of value are earned. Dating YOU is a privilege and not a right.



STATUS: IN PROGRESS......

Week One Status Update: This team of players sucks. It is time for a new crew.

Week Two Status Update: The new team has been selected:

1. Anchor Man (Still in the mix. Still Trouble) 34
2. SA Style. 33
3. Rex 36
4. The Producer 45
5. The Twin 25
6. Finish Repeat 27
7. There is no number 7, because you should always save Wednesdays for yourself. (Plus that's laundry night)


Update:

No sleep and all play makes for an interesting day. . . .

7. T2, 29
8. Kid I used to babysit, 24 (Bad IDEA... Still slightly Traumatized)
9. Gk, 29

Cliff Notes

Cliff Notes

Tuesday nights are reserved for our weekly “Taco Tuesday” bar night. The tacos are two bucks, the beers are two bucks, and well…honestly that’s enough for us. However, it’s pretty much a guarantee that we can be spotted at the same time/place every week. Luckily, most of the guys there are too drunk to remember us. Take my next case for example…we just refer to him as “Eeeeeew Gross.” Greedy Greedy and are standing at the bar looking for some guy we call Minkus that we ran into on the street. Eeeeeew Gross turns to me and tells me to hold his drink for a second. Before I can respond, his sweaty margarita glass is dripping all over my boots and he steps away. I promptly turn to set the glass down on the bar when he comes back and asks if I want a drink. That’s a pretty quick way to turn the mood around when someone offers you alcohol. As soon as he buys me a beer I realize that this was an incredibly unfair deal considering my beer was $2 and I’m clearly waaaay out of his league (refer to attached photo). But the damage is done and I’m polite so I decide to give him three minutes of my time. He tells me he lives in the Marina (figures) and asks where I live. I give him the general vicinity and he asks if he can take me out the lunch sometime. The three minutes are nearly up and GG is always telling me I need to go on more dates, so for the sake of me ending the conversation asap I give him my phone number. As he’s creating a new contact he starts to look me up and down decisively, “Let’s see… blonde… hot, (blank) street, taco Tuesday, bar…Hmmm, what else?.” Appalled, I ask “Are you kidding me?! I’m giving you my number and you’re not even gonna remember who I am?!” Eeeeeew Gross, “That’s why I’m writing it down! You know, Cliff Notes.” “Alright fine, give me some adjectives for me to remember who you are then…” He sends me a text: “Marina, red jacket, roofie cocktail, lunch?” Followed by an incredibly unattractive picture (see above). I tell him we have to go join our friends and walk away. Shortly after, we run into Minkus again and meet his friends. His friends are nice, funny, and good company so we hang out for a while and have a drink. About half an hour later I look up and see this guy standing a few feet away with his back turned towards me. He’s wearing low rise jeans that reveal not only a hairy muffin top, but also a male tramp stamp! As my eyes move up I notice a short, red, leather jacket and faux-hawk. I interrupt mid-conversation with the guy I’m talking to and yell “Eeeeeew Gross!!!” Just then the guy turns around, smiles at me, and then does one of those pubic I’m keeping my eye on you hand gestures. First thing that comes in my mind is that I’m going to have to change my phone number immediately. So to make sure I NEVER accidentally answer any of his calls I change his name in my phone to “Eeeeeew Gross.” I now have a much greater respect for the Cliff Notes system. The next day as I’m scrolling through my contacts, I realize that I have quite a few people stored with the Cliff Notes system that I didn’t even realize. Here are a few examples:

Lyonel (cabbie)
Ken Firefighter
Sahal (Gansevoort)
Moobs :(
Todd (Tonic)
Dave (Tonic)
Vegas Guy???
Dominic NYC 3B
Eeeeeew Gross
French Guy
Bad News Bear
Kevin – Bullet Guy #1
Steve – Bullet Guy #2
Cute Neighbor
Loser No Good Pot Head

Additionally, Greedy Greedy and I have a nickname system. When we each date 4 to 5 guys at a time it can get pretty confusing so nicknames are a must. Take Minkus for example… Remember the TV show “Boy Meets World”? Well there’s a really dorky character called Minkus and this one guy I went out with looks like a grown up version of him. Greedy Greedy has a random cuddle buddy we call Plaid Shirt Guy because the first night we met him he was wearing a plaid shirt. Some names are even less favorable too, like “Moobs” (aka man boobs). But it makes it easier for us to know who the other one is talking about immediately just by their name. And IF we ever use their real name… game over. Using a guys real name means you actually like him and he’s not just one of many in a lineup. Real names are dangerous. We have a 4 guy minimum for a reason. If you’re dating 4 guys, chances are you’ll be getting enough attention between each one’s modest attempt. It also makes it harder to get too attached to any one guy.

The Apocalypse part II

In progress...

Keep Wednesdays for Yourself

Coming soon!


Notes: Greedy Greedy meets married guy on flight home from Chicago. Married guy invites Trouble and her 3 friends to entertain at their company dinner.

Evening Tab:
$974.00

Thank you note sent to office. Contains check for $26.00 (Our 1K bill less their $974 food bill! It's not my fault these girls can eat!)