Gone Phishing

Phishing, a variation on "fishing," the idea being that bait is thrown out with the hopes that while most will ignore the bait, some will be tempted into biting.


It's New Years Eve, 2010 and for or the first time ever, I've decided to try Spanks. Spanks, a form fitting slip you wear under your clothes that just pushes it all up and brings it all in. It's fucking amazing. My ever so perky boobs are twice the size and my ass is looking as tight as ever; back to if not better than my college athletic days. Any sort of insecurities I had are now all tucked away in my spanks.


I'm prepping in the bathroom with my college girlfriends. We're drinking mimosas, curling our hair and accenting our assets. I've already got two burn marks on my left shoulder and a second degree burn on my left wrist which I'll refer to as my war wounds. Trouble is home not so coupled up for a couples night. I hate leaving her, but at the same time, I'm in no place to be spending my first week out single at home with other couples. We have VIP tickets to New Years Eve at Fort Mason with DJ Steve Aoki, a half million dollar production with a guest list of 4,700. (Who is Aoki you ask? I don't know either, but when you Google him, his name is as popular as the late DJ AM. According to Wikipedia, he's the third son of former Japanese Olympic wrestler Steve Aoki. UCSC Alum and founder of Dim Mak Records, I guess he's kind of a big deal? The thing about being a big deal, like myself, is that I guess not everyone has to know who you are.)


Before I return to NYE 2010 ventures, let me give you a little background. I've only been single from infancy to age 16 until I met my first boyfriend and for a little over 9 months from age 23-24. I'm 27, newly single after having been with my ex for 7 of the past 10 years. It was in that 9 months that I learned one of the most important things that every single girl should know.


David, Trouble's not gay model friend, sat us down and said what I've taken with me from that day on Lesson #1 "Keep your numbers low. If you're not going to sleep with some more than once, it's a waste of a number. You girls are too pretty to be slutty". So it was in that moment, entering single life, it was clear to me. I was going to be the girl who fucked instead of a girl that got fucked. Which brings us to lesson #2. It's always good to be friends with Promotors.


Having moved to Cow Hollow or whats also known as the Marina, I met my neighbor Bad News Bear. We made out a couple times and I left him with a hard on night after night of simply trying to decide whether or not he was worth a number. Number 4 to be exact. It was one night that I met up around the corner with him at his friends house. Mostly East Coast transplants all of which despite their drunken escapades where still of the utmost charming and polite nature. Bad News Bear and his friend walk me home. I'm wearing his friends coat that he's offered me on that crisp February night 4 years ago and it was then that I decided to make him number 4. After fucking him (good but not the best if I'm being honest), I tell him my decision was based on his friends. "I like your friends. They seem like honest decent people. And although I haven't decided what I think about you, you're getting laid because of how much I like them, not how much I like you". I laugh and he wraps his arms tightly around me. The best spooning I'd yet to come across at that point. All in all, 4 years down the line, I've got myself comped VIP tickets to NYE 2010.


So coming back to NYE and the title "Phishing".... how are the two related? As a single woman, whether or not you're out on the prowl, we're always phishing. NYE and entering into 2011, it's the start of a more conscious effort to play the game and see what's biting. And so begins my tale of a single girls guide to hunting and phishing.