Monday

True Love

E-mail From DiDdly Doo's Girlfriend:



Time Stamp: Monday; 3:14pm (aka obviously not drunk)
Just wanted you to know that I know about u and Diddly Doo. And that I think it's sad that after every time he uses you for sex then tells you to basicly fuck off, you come hop right back on to his dick when ever he snappes his fingers again. Doesn't paint a preety picture of how much you value yourself as a woman.
(If you decide to send out an "I'm a crazy-person" e-mail, at least be sure to use spell check!)

Greedy Greedy to Diddly Doo:
         Looks like things are going well with you and your girlfriend.
Response:
         Girls will be girls.
Greedy Greedy:
        Who am I to stand in the way of true love? Don't let this one get away.


Let's face it. Some girls are just crazy. And some (if not most) guys are plain stupid.

Diddly gives old iPhone to girlfriend.

Diddly spends 2 hours clearing out all the phone numbers and pictures one by one. (Fails to know that Steve Jobs was smart enough to add a "Reset all" button under settings and fails to delete text messages, which have pictures still imbedded!!! Steve thinks of everything! Genius! ).

Girlfriend scrolls through all his old texts. Finds out Diddly has been sleeping with everyone and their mom during their year of casual dating. "Officially dating", he cheats on her with hot girl from high school he never had a chance with.

Girlfriend finds out via reading a years worth of texts. Posts on Facebook (for all to see including co- workers and parents):

"Let's go out girl! I'm single!!"
You're single? What happened?
"My boyfriend tripped and his dick accidentally fell in to some girls vagina the day before my birthday."


3 months later, I receive the above e-mail to my private work e-mail address.

Signs your girlfriend is crazy: She sends your co-workers e-mails like the one above and continues to date the guy that obviously isn't THAT in to her. Deal breaker--Duh? I can you that for free.
Signs you are crazy: You are STILL dating her after you CHEATED ON HER and she announced to the PUBLIC that you are a MAN WHORE.


Note to self: Everything on the web is public. Even pictures of you making out with your brother.
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My Future Ex Husband

My Future Ex Husband: Tucker Max --- About us: San Francisco, bay area raised Catholic school girls dishing about the single life and how it all goes down. Occasional appearances by Ghost Writers, the girls crazy enough to be friends with us, with accounts crazier than ours.

The Truth:
We’re really good at getting what we want, partly because of our God given gift of persuasiveness and also years of practice perfecting our craft. We are also very competitive (especially with each other) and we don’t play fair. This is what happens when you’ve been friends for 16 years and lived next door to eachother. For the better part of our adolescence we were attached at the hip. We also come from very similar backgrounds; we are both the mutts of Asian and Caucasian parents. Therefore, we’re pretty much sisters, and fucking gorgeous. And the best thing about being family is that no matter how much you fuck up, the other one still has to love you (although I think this swings a little more in Greedy Greedy’s favor than mine).